#72

“Often, I drift in and out of wanting to exist. What I mean by exist, I mean being visible. Being given attention to; even for the tiniest second. So it’s always been quite peculiar to me how I’m so very comfortable sitting between sometimes wanting attention, and sometimes not wanting to even be perceived.

Today’s one of those days that make me want to float around invisible, without causing any ripples of perceptions. Not being involved in the butterfly effect. I don’t wish to be paid attention to. I want to feel like the pages after the first one in a notebook. I want to feel like the stars when the sun’s out; like they don’t exist.

So, I guess sometimes, I want to cease to exist. Not in a self-mutilating way, but rather just to take a step back from the impact of attention, and breathe.

Detaching from the ability to feel, think or move. Just being. Nothing more, nothing less.

I think that’s a part of my home.”

– Sugithaa Paraman